Using the term "raped"

[OneTimeOnly]

I wish people wouldn't use that word so loosely like it's a turn on. I don't kink shame. But, I find it highly insensitive when clients use the term to describe what they want me to do to them. I'm pretty sure someone will tell me I'm wrong for feeling this way. But, as someone who has survived rape, I don't think it should be fetishized

Edited June 13, 2020 by OneTimeOnly

[Smurof]

Like so many other words, it does have multiple meanings. It is slang for being financially abused, which I learned not all that long ago FIN DOM is someone who has a desire to take (a much better word than the one you, I and many others consider offensive) money, and lots of it, for pleasure.

[+ poolboy48220]

Everything can be fetishized. Like many things, rape fantasy is a lot different than the reality of being raped. It does play into my fantasies, but when describing what I like with an escort, I use the word "manhandled" rather than raped.

[+ DrownedBoy]

"Have your way with me" is a standard, if old fashioned, euphemism.

[marylander1940]

I wish people wouldn't use that word so loosely like it's a turn on. I don't kink shame. But, I find it highly insensitive when clients use the term to describe what they want me to do to them. I'm pretty sure someone will tell me I'm wrong for feeling this way. But, as someone who has survived rape, I don't think it should be fetishized

 

Maybe it's a way for them to say they want to feel used, owned, in possession of someone hot!

 

Just make sure they have a "safe word" to stop all the action.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

You're in a sex-based business: Get used to guys plainly sharing their innermost fantasies.

 

Asking guys to soften those sexual edges is like asking Mel Brooks to go gentle on the satire.

 

Also realize that a lot of what people say vs what they actually do is nothing more than pre-fuck bravado.

[CuriousByNature]

I wish people wouldn't use that word so loosely like it's a turn on. I don't kink shame. But, I find it highly insensitive when clients use the term to describe what they want me to do to them. I'm pretty sure someone will tell me I'm wrong for feeling this way. But, as someone who has survived rape, I don't think it should be fetishized

I know your post is not seeking sympathy, but I just want to say Im really sorry that happened to you. I happen to agree that the term should be avoided. Rape isnt about sex, its about violence - which is more than simple dominance or control, though those are certainly aspects of it. The thing is that some people, for whatever reason, are turned on by violence - a tiny minority even to the point of murder. And there are people use the term 'rape' even though violence doesnt turn them on but without fully appreciating how it might affect others. They aren't looking to trigger anyone, but that is invariably what can happen.

Edited June 13, 2020 by CuriousByNature

[AceHardware]

It's partly due to online gaming, which isn't about sex, but it's common for gamers to say "I was raped by 5 mobs," meaning their character was killed by a crowd, and female gamers use it a lot too, so somehow the word gets "normalized," even though I cringe every single time I hear it.

[OneTimeOnly]

It's partly due to online gaming, which isn't about sex, but it's common for gamers to say "I was raped by 5 mobs," meaning their character was killed by a crowd, and female gamers use it a lot too, so somehow the word gets "normalized," even though I cringe every single time I hear it.

No, I mean clients telling me they want me to rape them endlessly with my toys or black cock. Not gaming. These are older men saying these things

Edited June 13, 2020 by OneTimeOnly

[OneTimeOnly]

I know your post is not seeking sympathy, but I just want to say Im really sorry that happened to you. I happen to agree that the term should be avoided. Rape isnt about sex, its about violence - which is more than simple dominance or control, though those are certainly aspects of it. The thing is that some people, for whatever reason, are turned on by violence - a tiny minority even to the point of murder. And there are people use the term 'rape' even though violence doesnt turn them on but without fully appreciating how it might affect others. They aren't looking to trigger anyone, but that is invariably what can happen.

I appreciate that a lot. I try not to get offended about everything that's said. But this term is grotesque to me. I don't know what makes you think saying you want me to rape you with my black cock, is sexy. Not you, of course. But, you know what I mean

[Guest Calix_K]

To add to @CuriousByNature 's post, I am sorry to hear that you had to endure that.

 

With that said, I feel that quite a few clients don't know how to communicate what many of us would call "consensual non-consent". Aka "rape play".

When I hear "rape play" or variations thereof prior to meeting, I politely confirm that what they're interested in by using CNC instead and don't revert to using the word rape again. Once the session is in full swing, the use of any terms etc is at the discretion of the client, which any experienced provider will intuitively pick up on and incorporate into the session.

 

The same goes with fetishes such as watersports/findom, etc. Its not me peeing on them and financially blackmailing them or holding their wallet hostage, its WS/findom! At times I feel like a big part of this job is educating each other and communicating effectively ?

[+ nycman]

It’s just a word. Albeit a loaded word.

Some men say “rape me”....when they are clearly not prepared to be “raped”.

Even with safe words, it can go very wrong.

Rough/manhandled sex? Sure no problem.

”Rape” you?.....yeah, pass.

[sincitymix]

I can certainly understand how the word rape can be very traumatizing esp to those who experienced it.. when I say I want to be Raped I mean I want to be manhandled, little choking perhaps, being held down.. it’s going in brace yourself.. type of session. Alpha bro dominating.. etc I’m sure there is better words to describe what I want without saying rape. I fact I’ll probably use different something different in fut

[OneTimeOnly]

You're in a sex-based business: Get used to guys plainly sharing their innermost fantasies.

 

Asking guys to soften those sexual edges is like asking Mel Brooks to go gentle on the satire.

 

Also realize that a lot of what people say vs what they actually do is nothing more than pre-fuck bravado.

No one is asking anyone to soften their sexual edges. And I'm sorry but I'm not someone who thinks that I have to accept someone's ideas just because I'm a sex worker. I've done this for nearly a decade. I can still be uncomfortable with a scenario. And unless you've been through the trauma of rape, I don't think you have a right to tell someone how they should think. Regardless of their line of work

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

No one is asking anyone to soften their sexual edges. And I'm sorry but I'm not someone who thinks that I have to accept someone's ideas just because I'm a sex worker. I've done this for nearly a decade. I can still be uncomfortable with a scenario. And unless you've been through the trauma of rape, I don't think you have a right to tell someone how they should think. Regardless of their line of work

 

I'm not telling you to accept anything for yourself: I'm just asking you to deal with the reality of the situation.

 

You set your own limits, you communicate those limits to your clients and that's perfectly fine ?

 

However, you've had sexual trauma in the past and you're still putting yourself out there as a sex worker. You have a specific trigger that a lot of guys don't have. The rape fantasy is a very real one. It's a part of taboo human sexuality, like bondage, breath-control, fisting, pissplay, etc.

 

I'm just trying to get you to see the forest for the trees.

[former lurker]

Perhaps I'm in the minority, but I don't associate the word "rape" with anything consensual or desired. I think it does a disservice to the concept of consent, and robs the word of its proper power, to treat it as a fantasy akin to other kinks. I get that the point is that a "rape fantasy" is meant to role play in which someone is, at his desire, seemingly overpowered. I'd much prefer if we could find other terms that don't include the word "rape".

[+ Lucky]

I used to work with rape victims, both male and female. It is an exceptionally traumatic event which leaves a lifetime of scars. Using the term in any "fun" context is insensitive if not worse.

[down_to_business]

Gosh I am really sorry to hear of your experience.

 

I don't personally have a fantasy of being raped, mine would probably be more along the line of giving up control if I were to explore that genre. But, I think I found it difficult to open up to escorts about my desires in general (early on). If I were to do so, and promptly got scolded or told my fantasies were hurtful or inappropriate, I think I would completely recoil and not ever feel comfortable sharing them again.

[Kippy]

"Batter me" works well as that 24, 190 6'4" marine goes for your throat and slaps you across the face.

 

One can dream right?

 

Kipp

[OneTimeOnly]

Gosh I am really sorry to hear of your experience.

 

I don't personally have a fantasy of being raped, mine would probably be more along the line of giving up control if I were to explore that genre. But, I think I found it difficult to open up to escorts about my desires in general (early on). If I were to do so, and promptly got scolded or told my fantasies were hurtful or inappropriate, I think I would completely recoil and not ever feel comfortable sharing them again.

I didn't shame him. And there is a difference between domination and rape. Domination is consensual. Rape is not. It's not just about taking control. It's inflicting unwanted pain. Non consent is the problem. If you're consenting then fine. But, words matter. I think saying, "dominate me" or something on that line. Rape is trigger word for too many people who have been on the receiving end of someone doing things they didn't want

[OneTimeOnly]

Not to cause a pity party or anything, but when someone tells me they want me to rape them. It takes me back to being a child and my uncle holding me down with his friend all those nights. Or when I was drunk with a person I thought was my friend and I couldn't move. So, he penetrated me when I told him to get off. And it makes me feel weak being a giant who was taken advantage of. I think that's why it should be considered. Because you don't know what type of trauma you're bringing up when asking someone to rape you or when you make it a fantasy that you want them to do

[+ GregM]

Not to cause a pity party or anything, but when someone tells me they want me to rape them. It takes me back to being a child and my uncle holding me down with his friend all those nights. Or when I was drunk with a person I thought was my friend and I couldn't move. So, he penetrated me when I told him to get off. And it makes me feel weak being a giant who was taken advantage of. I think that's why it should be considered. Because you don't know what type of trauma you're bringing up when asking someone to rape you or when you make it a fantasy that you want them to do

 

I've been guilty of using that word. But after reading what you've written above and throughout this post I'm not going to any more. To be able to come out and tell a little bit about what happened takes a lot of strength. I hope that you are able to help others with any struggles they might having with coming to terms with such trauma.

 

Hugs,

Greg

[former lurker]

I've been guilty of using that word. But after reading what you've written above and throughout this post I'm not going to any more. To be able to come out and tell a little bit about what happened takes a lot of strength. I hope that you are able to help others with any struggles they might having with coming to terms with such trauma.

 

Hugs,

Greg

 

That is a lovely sentiment.

[marylander1940]

Perhaps I'm in the minority, but I don't associate the word "rape" with anything consensual or desired. I think it does a disservice to the concept of consent, and robs the word of its proper power, to treat it as a fantasy akin to other kinks. I get that the point is that a "rape fantasy" is meant to role play in which someone is, at his desire, seemingly overpowered. I'd much prefer if we could find other terms that don't include the word "rape".

 

It's a fantasy, that's why the client contacted him asking him for this kind of role play.

[CuriousByNature]

Not to cause a pity party or anything, but when someone tells me they want me to rape them. It takes me back to being a child and my uncle holding me down with his friend all those nights. Or when I was drunk with a person I thought was my friend and I couldn't move. So, he penetrated me when I told him to get off. And it makes me feel weak being a giant who was taken advantage of. I think that's why it should be considered. Because you don't know what type of trauma you're bringing up when asking someone to rape you or when you make it a fantasy that you want them to do

You were vulnerable, but please dont ever confuse that with being weak. Those who took advantage of you were the true weak ones. Thank you for sharing such personal details - that takes courage. Blessings and peace to you ?