Too honest?

[Guest]

I'm now at the Admirals' Lounge in the Phoenix airport. My Colombian honey of the week and I are each going our own ways after a delightful week. He's flying to Ontario (CA) and I'm flying to Oakland. His final words of advice to me were "You can't be so good and so honest all of the time. People will take advantage of you and hurt you." He did appreciate our time together. I don't know. Obviously I've been taken advantage of, but overall so far in my life being good and honest has led to a satisfying life for myself. Do you agree that one shouldn't always try to be honest and nice? I had a great time with him. I daresay some at the resort were probably jealous...

[+ azdr0710]

Hey Uni! I'm about two miles from you at an airport hotel right now!

 

Stay just the way you are! You know what's right and what's wrong! Stay aware and have fun. It's not that complicated!

[+ easygoingpal]

Being good may be part of your nature. It comes naturally and you don't have to force it. Same way, you can't force it out of someone else who doesn't have goodness in them. Being honest all the time helps for the most part because you don't have to remember which lie you told to which person. It doesn't help much for those occasions when people take advantage of a person's honesty. It's always a good idea to surround yourself of good and honest people... Just my two cents. Cheers!

Edited December 21, 2019 by easygoingpal

[+ E.T.Bass]

An interesting parting comment. Sounds like he cares about what happens to you?

 

Trying to be honest and nice used to = good manners. I appreciate people like that.

[+ Cash4Trash]

I think he's saying he could have taken advantage of you and didn't. He's showing concern about your openness in the future knowing an unscrupulous escort could take advantage.

[+ poolboy48220]

I try to go with honest and nice, with a good dash of curmudgeonliness (is that a word?) thrown in. I would probably ditch that if I ever got on Survivor, but otherwise it's worked. I am more comfortable with myself, and have better friends. Unless you're very good at being evil, it eventually catches up with you.

[AceHardware]

I think he's saying he could have taken advantage of you and didn't. He's showing concern about your openness in the future knowing an unscrupulous escort could take advantage.

 

Exactly my interpretation. It's not that you're too honest & nice (please stay that way!), it's that he's worried that a bad person might take advantage of you. You don't need to change; he's just being protective of you in his own way.

[Guest]

I think he's saying he could have taken advantage of you and didn't. He's showing concern about your openness in the future knowing an unscrupulous escort could take advantage.

Yeah, hopefully that's it. This came in the context of his having been taken in for secondary screening at immigration. He doesn't yet have his return ticket, and I warned him that this might present a problem, and it did. They asked him about his plans, and he didn't tell them that, after spending some time in the Riverside area with his friends, he was going to go to Houston and stay with two of his sisters. He knew that I knew of those plans, and was afraid I'd spill the beans.

They questioned our relationship and asked why we happened to be in Spain around the same time. As it happened, I was only in Spain overnight on a trip to the western Balkans early this Fall (took a flight from Dubrovnik to Madrid and stayed overnight until my morning flight back home), but it's interesting how they picked up on that. It probably helped that we were going our separate ways, and that probably allayed any concerns that we might be living together. He explained (truthfully) that we met online almost 2 years ago, but that I didn't try to contact him, although I followed him on Facebook, until I broke up with the lyin' Paraguayan. I suppose that there's a whole file on me. They probably know about the Paraguayan and perhaps peg me as having a penchant for Latino men.

It's interesting that the lyin' Paraguayan also expressed concerns that I would get taken advantage of when we broke up. He returned his last textbook, which we had rented on Amazon rentals, which he didn't have to do, so I assume he still has some good will towards me. He sent me a picture of himself in his cap and gown, having successfully earned his Bachelor's degree in Economics.

[AceHardware]

It's interesting that the lyin' Paraguayan also expressed concerns that I would get taken advantage of when we broke up. He returned his last textbook, which we had rented on Amazon rentals, which he didn't have to do, so I assume he still has some good will towards me. He sent me a picture of himself in his cap and gown, having successfully earned his Bachelor's degree in Economics.

 

That sounds like a happier ending with better closure than many breakups are. The benefits of being a nice guy.

[rvwnsd]

I...Do you agree that one shouldn't always try to be honest and nice?...

No, I don't. Folks tend to respond well to those who are nice, honest, and authentic. I find it easier to be truthful and authentic than to make up stores and put on a persona that isn't mine. Additionally, being truthful and authentic does not require you to remember a story. There's nothingh to remember - it is all true!

[David1024]

I always like to believe that good things happen to good people and most of the time it’s true. Sadly, good people can be taken advantage of and used, and you may not know it’s happening until it’s too late (as you found out with the Paraguayan guy). I say do what comes naturally to you. At least you will have friends and admirers.

[+ purplekow]

If by being good, you mean doing well for others to your own detriment, then I would say one should not be good all the time. There are times when saying no may be good but not perceived that way by the one hearing it. So rather than being good, I think one should be kind, careful of the feelings of others and honest. When you are those things, you are good to yourself and good to others, whether they think so or not.

[MassageDrew]

There's actually an average to being nice and honest. Just this morning one director told me that it was hard to get mad at me while delivering a bad news because I'm always sho sincere. That I was too nice in delivering the news even though it was something he didn't want to hear.

[+ sniper]

I think it was more like you shouldn't be too trusting that other people are honest. And maybe not be too forthcoming about, say, your financial condition. eg let them know you're willing to spend on a goid time, don't let on right away that you are well-heeled enough to support them full-time.

[+ Funguy]

Just remember that Golden Rule . . .

Do unto others . . .

[+ sam.fitzpatrick]

Happy New Year!

 

Often kindness and honesty are conflicting. When my mother asks if I like her new blouse, I can respond with kindness saying, "your smile tells me you like it very much" versus truthfully "the pattern is busy and makes me dizzy." I find kindness is easy to choose when honesty can be hurtful on things that don't matter.

[MscleLovr]

You certainly create some interesting threads @Unicorn.

 

@sam.fitzpatrick has put it beautifully “kindness is easy to choose when honesty can be hurtful on things that don't matter”and I’m glad that your paid companion was kind to you.

 

Perhaps I‘m cynical but I feel that good escorts will compliment their clients, especially on parting. It generates goodwill and adds to their reputation. In turn, that leads to new and repeat business.

[+ WilliamM]

Happy New Year!

 

Often kindness and honesty are conflicting. When my mother asks if I like her new blouse, I can respond with kindness saying, "your smile tells me you like it very much" versus truthfully "the pattern is busy and makes me dizzy." I find kindness is easy to choose when honesty can be hurtful on things that don't matter.

 

Difficult to do both.

[Rudynate]

I'm honest, but I keep things close to the vest. I don't offer opinions or advice that haven't been asked for. When I offer a compliment, it's because I found something positive to say, even though it might have been a challenge. I belive in allowing people in difficult spots to save face.

[Guest]

Yes, that reminds me of the time there was this old man with Alzheimer's in a nursing facility who kept asking where his wife was. It would have been cruel to tell him every time that his wife had passed away. The kind but truthful thing to say to him was "You'll be seeing her soon!" (or "You'll be with her soon!" if you don't believe in an afterlife).

[Rudynate]

Yes, that reminds me of the time there was this old man with Alzheimer's in a nursing facility who kept asking where his wife was. It would have been cruel to tell him every time that his wife had passed away. The kind but truthful thing to say to him was "You'll be seeing her soon!" (or "You'll be with her soon!" if you don't believe in an afterlife).

 

 

I was an orderly at the Denver VA for my first job after military service. A guy who was incredibly I'll with lung cancer and who probably had no more than a few days to live was admitted. I was taking care of him and he asked me out of the blue, "Am I going to (long pause) die?" I was amazed that he was that close to death and hadn't faced it.

I searched for the best answer but just didn't know what to say. Very gently, I finally said, "Yes, you are, probably very soon." His only reaction was to nod his head a little. He died that night.

[Guest]

I was an orderly at the Denver VA for my first job after military service. A guy who was incredibly I'll with lung cancer and who probably had no more than a few days to live was admitted. I was taking care of him and he asked me out of the blue, "Am I going to (long pause) die?" I was amazed that he was that close to death and hadn't faced it.

I searched for the best answer but just didn't know what to say. Very gently, I finally said, "Yes, you are, probably very soon." His only reaction was to nod his head a little. He died that night.

I'm a little puzzled. You weren't his doctor, or even his nurse. Wouldn't the correct response be "I would ask your doctor..."? He probably gave up hope that night. Who told you he was about to die? Were you the appropriate person to give him this death sentence?

[Rudynate]

I'm a little puzzled. You weren't his doctor, or even his nurse. Wouldn't the correct response be "I would ask your doctor..."? He probably gave up hope that night. Who told you he was about to die? Were you the appropriate person to give him this death sentence?

 

I didn't say that it was the best way for it to have been handled or the most appropriate way to have been handled. It was what occurred to me in the pressure of the moment. As you tend to do, you are speculating about something you have no actual knowledge of.

[Deadlift1]

I'm a little puzzled. You weren't his doctor, or even his nurse. Wouldn't the correct response be "I would ask your doctor..."? He probably gave up hope that night. Who told you he was about to die? Were you the appropriate person to give him this death sentence?

Now is that a nice way to speak to another forum member? After all those nice things people said about you. It didn't take long for the unstable NPD to come through. Damn shame.

[Rudynate]

Now is that a nice way to speak to another forum member? After all those nice things people said about you. It didn't take long for the unstable NPD to come through. Damn shame.

 

 

Unicorn has a weakness for empty speculation and it always just makes him look silly.