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Moving on Up to an Escort Relationship


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Guest Jason

There have been some messages here about escort relationships. I read with much interest, but didn't contribute until now because my situation is a bit different.

I've been dating an escort for almost 5 months now. I met him when I hired him for a date. We hit it off great. The third time I saw him, I found myself very nervous. I felt like I was falling for him. But I felt this was not a wise thing to do. So I decided not to see him again.

To my surprise, he called me a week or so later and asked if he could take me out to dinner. He made it clear that it was not a "working" date, but that he was indeed asking me on a real date. The evening was a dream.

The next day I woke up next to him and then we spent the entire day together at his place. He told me that evening over dinner that he would like to take me out again. Well, we've been dating ever since.

I found it extremely hard at first to not get jealous when he went out with clients. He is very close to a lot of his clients and that made it even harder for me.

As months go by, I no longer get jealous, because he has been so sweet to me. We are always up front about our feelings,and very honest with each other. Now he's asked me to move in with him. We don't get many chances to be together, because he travels alot with clients and is always out on a call almost every day. He says he wants me to move in with him so we'll have even more time together.

The relationship is a secret relationship. This is a mutual decision. One that doesn't bother me. My close friends know, and his closest freinds do too.

I'm not going to be a fool and say I love him after 5 months. I think that if I spend more time with him, I will fall in love, most definately.

It's not like I can't get a date. I'm a very attractive guy with a great personality. (He's even suggested that I start escorting too.) I have a lot to offer, and I'd like to offer it to him.

Am I totally nuts? Or should I give it a go? Any comments are appreciated, the moving van comes the first of July!

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Give it a go! We all must use all of our legitimate chances for happiness, and thank God for them. If it only lasts a short while, remember the good times you have had and try to forget the bad.

Do you guys have a pet yet? It occurs to me that sometime for a real treat, you might offer him to get one together. If he spends that much time out of town, he probably has been missing the chance to have one of his own. And that would keep the house from being too quiet for you when he's gone.

And, yes, I know I've said I'm on sabatical til Fall and yet I keep posting. A Tired Old Queen is allowed to be fickle!

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Guest longtimelurker

Jason, the best of luck to you and your friend--you sound like great people who deserve every happiness.

 

Bilbo, if you really go on sabbatical, there will be no further reason to visit the Message Boards--and I'm not kidding.

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Now don't make the old queen blush too red!

Lurker, there are many nice new voices among the newer crop, including yourself, Matt, Quinte (He must be busy, or stinging from the reception to his poem. I just told my BF to remind me to write y'all a sonnett.)and maybe the new Cynic, among others. I gotta admit that for now the just the facts ma'am voices might seem to have the upper hand, but I believe these things go in waves. And I know that it's probably a very Texan point of view, but I think as the nights get longer and cooler again, so will the postings.

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Guest Nice Guy

Well, I kinda wish that were my delima. And I have one, but the odd thing when we started "dating" and he was not "working" his whole personality changed. He was so charming as a pro. and the "real" guy was actually quite boring, confused and really lost. Believe me, there have been a couple who i would have married and signed my life away at the drop of a hat, there still are, but if this works for you, i think you should go for it if you understand his business and can handle it. Best of Luck, Sir

NG

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Guest craigrc

The situation you describe seems rather odd to me. If your lover were not a prostitute, would it upset you to learn that he had been intimate with someone else? What if he proposed an "open" relationship in which each of you was free to see other people whenever you were not together -- would that be acceptable to you? That is, in effect, the situation you are describing. Your assumption is that the other people your lover is seeing, he is seeing only for "professional" reasons and not because he has feelings for them that may conflict with his feelings for you. But how do you know that is true? In fact, you don't. And you never will.

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Your situation, while not your typical everyday relationship, does not in least sound weird or strange to me. You sound completely level-headed and know what you're getting into. I say good for you. If you don't take the chance now (with the full realization that maybe it won't work out) you will be wondering the rest of your life whether this dude was the "one" for you. Best of luck and let us know how it's going.

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Guest Quinte

Stinging? Dear Squire? A tad busy, but here, still here still standing strong.

 

Yes, the private comments on that poem were very interesting. I did not expect to touch or evoke such emotions. Dare I say, the anthology is still in the works!

 

I look forward to that Sonnet of yours. Food for my soul.

 

Nice hearing from you Bilbo!

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Guest Quinte

I am very interested in knowing how this works out.

 

Most escorts will lie to the teeth saying how well off they are without a lover... Truth be told, it sometimes gets boring and misty.

 

It must also be an added comfort to your lover to know that there he has some one that cares, and especially some one who knows exactly where he is at any given time (safety issues). In this regard, if I am uncomfortable about a call, I call Hoo or another escort before and after so they know where to come find my body :-) I wonder what other escorts do?

 

The best of luck, and do keep us informed. You may also want to check notes with Aaron Lawerence who I understand is in a perfectly long lasting relationship with a none escort.

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Guest aarronn

Jason, although it may be difficult at times to make a relationship with an escort work, you have to do what feels right. Take his feelings for example. He sees new people all the time and doesn't get to "know" them. Maybe he wants someone to love just as much as the next guy. I'm speaking from experience because I am an escort as well. This is a job for us and it is not love we feel when we see clients. Granted I get along very well with a lot of my clients and even go out socially with them on many occasions, I still want someone to share my life with. Most people don't "understand" when they meet an escort that we want the same things in life as a banker or gas station attendant. Love and companionship. Don't let other people sway your decision. Go with what you feel and if it doesn't work out, at least you tried. It doesn't always work out with people who have 9 to 5 jobs either.

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Guest setekh

Escort Relationship

 

I don't know whether you really want advice or, like most people who ask for advice, you simply want others to bless whatever you've already decided to do. On the off chance that you really want advice, I'd advise you to think about the issues that Craigrc raises. He's the only one who seems be considering the problems that could arise. Everyone else is telling you to close your eyes, hope for the best, and jump. Sometimes people who do that are pleasantly surprised. Usually they end up hurt and wondering what made them do something that in retrospect seems so foolish.

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RE: Escort Relationship

 

Hey, I for one didn't say to just jump blindly. I as subtle, and when I am people often don't realize that I'm saying anything. But I did point out that he's going to be spending a lot of time alone and might need some companionship - ie a pet. And if they do break up, our man can just take back the dog (The escort won't be home enough to take proper care of him anyway probably.) and that will soften the blow for one of the men involved. However, I have always found that for me open relationships work better anyway. I like knowing that my man is with me because he wants to be with Me and not because I am the only man he is allowed to be with. It will take an awful lot of selfconfidence and self reliance on both sides to make this work, but I agree with the other poster (didn't write the name down before I started this reposte) who said that if he doesn't take this chance, chances are that he will always wonder, if not regret, what might have happened.

 

Quinte - I haven't forgotten my promise of a sonnet. Right now I'm a bit into other projects (steering committee of the local Lone Star Gay Male Nudist Group, getting my gowns ready to be a judge on the local Miss Firecracker pageant, and I need to paint 3 or 4 more 5X7 oils of male nudes to hang on my bathroom wall and try to sell to my massage clients). But it is coming, my Nubian Dream.

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Setekh so does NOT speak for me and so does NOT understand what I was saying. I say once again, go for the happiness that we all deserve with the full knowledge of what you're getting into. In all our relationships, and I would suppose that would be true of any relationship Setekh may have, we, as gay men, have so much to deal with, and if you can deal with the work your boyfriend does, I believe you have as good a chance of being happy as any of us. If it turns out that you can't sustain your care, whether it be because of his occupation or for any other reason, you have been courageous enough to express honest care for another human being.

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Setekh - Even the straight poets down through the ages have told us that "love is blind." Almost any love needs to be, right at first. So why should these our brothers be any different or not have the right to be silly humans? Have you never taken the chance to jump blindly? Are you sure that's the golden ring in your hand? This Mary-go-round is worth it! And it is perhaps you who are in danger of dying without having lived.

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Guest craigrc

B,

 

A number of the things you've posted here have been silly, but none of them is as silly as trying to psychoanalyze someone you've never even met, like setekh.

 

Like him, I think that a relationship of the type the thread author describes is a very bad bet. Taking such a huge risk may seem adventurous and romantic to you, but to me it seems foolish. When one is young and stupid, one takes all sorts of risks because one lacks the experience needed to understand the consequences of those risks. When one is older and more experienced, hopefully, the knowledge one has gained through experience prevents one from doing foolish things. What is the purpose of asking the advice of others, if not to benefit from their experience?

 

You're entitled to your opinion, but so are setekh and I. If you can't stand to hear from people who disgree with you, why do you come here? You should just talk to yourself.

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Bilbo, I love a romantic man as well as one who is extremely thoughtful - neither you nor Jason are jumping blindly into anything, as shown in all that's been said by the two of you. God knows, the mistakes I have made in the field of love are many. And strangely, every one of them (at least so far)has been a true educator. Ah yes, I love a romantic and kind man. Then again, most people would much rather have dinner with Oscar Wilde than Richard Nixon.

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Guest setekh

Craig, thanks for leaping to my defense.

 

Bilbo, you are certainly correct in saying that everyone has a right to make a fool of himself. That doesn't mean it's a good idea. When someone asks me whether I think it's a good idea for him to make a fool of himself, I generally say "No."

 

Considering the track record of many of the West's most famous poets, a poet is the last person I would be likely to ask for advice about relationships -- especially Oscar Wilde. If memory serves, he ended up going to prison because he became besotted with a handsome young idiot (also a poet) who was incapable of making a commitment to him. Wilde is definitely NOT someone you want to cite as an example of the advantages of an "open" relationship.

 

It would be easy for me to tell Jason to go ahead and do whatever he feels like doing. That's what a lot of people really want to hear when they ask for "advice," and if it doesn't work out I won't be the one who has to deal with it, so why not? I guess I'm just too honest to be popular. Oh, well.

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Guest Jake

LAST EDITED ON Jun-30-00 AT 06:14PM (EST)[p]Yeah, I guess it's your honesty. LOL. By the way, Bilbo said nothing about Oscar Wilde ... it was me, Jake. And I chose him for the very reasons you cite: the point being that I would much rather spend an evening with Oscar Wilde, with all his stupidity and misfortune, than the insipid and evil Richard Nixon. Get it, Richard .. I mean, Setek ... I mean craigrc I guess I'm just too vague to be understood! Oh well. LOL

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Good sex and love are not things which we do right the first time. Most of us. so we learn from our mistakes. Some of us might just leave the playing field or make smaller choices. But some of us try to still live grandly, only be better at it. And many of us who do that feel that by being childlike (not childish) we help ourselves and the world stay young.

 

"Dare to be naive." - R. Buckminster Fuller

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Guest setekh

Craig, my man, you shouldn't bandy words with that character. Didn't your daddy ever tell you not to get into a pissing contest with a skunk?

 

I guess if I had to choose between spending an evening with Nixon and spending it with Wilde, I'd take Nixon. Wilde could talk about writing plays and poems to amuse the British upper crust. Nixon could talk about banging heads with Brezhnev and Mao. I know which conversation I'd find more interesting.

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