Help - Dom Virgin

[+ Keith30309]

I’m a little at a loss on dealing with a request from a regular buddy. We met on SA (he’s 25) have been meeting every 2-3 weeks for over a year and our time has always been very vanilla and focused on BFE sorts of things... very sweet, cuddly stuff... and we’ve become pretty close emotionally with lots of talking.

 

This morning I got a series of text messages (below, with my clarifying questions removed):

 

I'm a little embarrassed to share my idea now, but i figure i should since i already brought it up.

Part of me had the idea the other day of something i thought you might enjoy.

If i were to maybe go (

there

) and actually get (

a room)

before you arrive. You could come in and maybe find me tied up waiting for you. I kinda think it'd be hot to be completely in your control for you to explore and kinda do anything ya want to me ;p

If that's too much or not your thing, that's ok too. Just an idea. Wanna help ya enjoy yourself

Id be all yours to explore, experiment, and use

You can try anything

I want you to know you can do anything you want. I'm into some edgy stuff too. ;p

I just feel like you're nervous to try any of it with me.

Honestly, if you wanted to, you could hurt me as well. I'm completely fine with pain. Just not damage if that makes sense.

I promise you i could handle anything you wanted to do sir

My limits are blood, scat, ws, damage.

But other than that. Id be all yours if that is something you wanna try with me...

I just trust you and want you to know you can do anything with me. I'm yours to use

I could either get the room before you, or you could just tie me up and blindfold me when i get there. That way you have me exactly how ya want me.

Sooooo.... I have a few days to figure out what to do. I sort of think he’s getting bored with our regular vanilla BFE routine and suspect he’s exploring something which has interested him.

 

He’s definitely bottom-everything and doesn’t seem to remotely interested in topping in any way. I’d like to figure out something he would enjoy and the things that strike me about his comments are 1) surrendering control, 2) being used, and, 3) receiving pain on some level. We’ve talked allot about things that happened in his past and I sense there’s some mental stuff going on with not having had a stable, trusting environment.

 

I think there’s a line somewhere between my boring (and disappointing) him and my going overboard, brutalizing/traumatizing and alienating him.

 

My frame of reference is porn and I think most of that is a little advanced. I need a beginners guidebook or something.

[bnm73]

Ummmm.....what are YOU comfortable with? That's just as important a question.

[+ purplekow]

I agree that you should not go too far to begin.

 

I suggest going to your neighborhood adult store and then to the supermarket get a few items.

 

There is a very convenient elastic restraint that you can find at most adult stores. It is a single strap of elastic with four elastic bands with velcro bands at each of the four ends. You slip the strap under a mattress and pull 2 bands out to both sides. Velcro the wrists and ankles and it is light and easy beginner restraint. Easy to pack. It usually comes with a simple blackout mask.

 

I would also suggest a vibrating ass plug or dildo. Not too big and nothing that fancy, just enough to penetrate and vibrate. You could get a light paddle or a light whip but you might try something cheap like a flyswatter or if you have one, a ping pong paddle or a wooden spoon. Some clothespins can be used as nipple clamps or you may just pin some folds of skin or a lip. That should really be enough to cover a first time basic fun encounter that goes further than you have but not so far that he will not come back. If you have an open mind and a bit of imagination, many things around a hotel room can be incorporated into your scene.

 

In trying to keep it relatively sedate, light touch with just the fingertips can cause a very sensual tickling sensation and if he is ticklish, just that may keep him begging you to stop. Of course you do not unless he says the safe word. Yes, even with this kind of light play, a safe word is needed.

 

If food interests you or him, sweets are especially sweet when eaten in the midst of sexual activity. A nice eclair smeared over this balls or cock or chest and licked off and fed to him from your mouth may get him drooling. Having a airplane bottle sized bottle of the alcohol of your choice, tequila is a nice one, on hand to pour into his mouth may loosen him up and also exhibit a small taste of your control over him. Of course you should know that he is not in a program before going there.

 

An ass slap is always a nice treat for you and him, if he has a nice ass, so much the better.

A cupped hand over the pecs or thighs will give a deep sound without too much pain. As you flatten the hand, the level of pain increases, so you can usually find a nice medium point.

 

I must say though, that this is all pretty vanilla in that world. Your friend sounds like he may want more than that. However, starting easy and moving up is wise and more trust generating.

 

Trust between you is the key element to having a great time. He should trust that you will stretch his limits but not break them, but first you both need to find out where they are. He should trust that you are trying to please him, not hurt him but that sometimes he will not know what will please him as well as you do.

 

That he says he will do anything means one of two things, either he is very experienced or very naive as to where everything can go. You need to find out which is the case.

Edited August 11, 2018 by purplekow

[+ azdr0710]

gee, @Keith30309 .......I'd just have your buddy simply read @purplekow 's suggestions above and that might do the trick for him.......worked for me!

[+ purplekow]

.

One other thing. Be verbal. A soft, deep and controlled voice with just a bit of menace to it can really enhance an encounter.

"Talk to me boy." "Tell me what you want and I will decide whether you deserve it or not." "Do not beg, Begging is for the weak and you will need to be strong to get through this." "You want more of that do you? Tell me you want more. Ask me nicely to give you more." "Do you want me to let you suck my cock? Ask for it boy. Tell me how much you want to suck my cock. If you ask me with just the right amount of respect I may reward you by letting you suck it....for just a little while."

By keeping the voice controlled and telling him to ask for it, puts you further in charge If he refuses to ask, you up the ante. If he complies, you withhold. All with a modulated and yet powerful voice that makes it clear to him that he is at your disposal.

[+ Keith30309]

Excellent advice !

 

Velcro the wrists and ankles and it is light and easy beginner restraint... a simple blackout mask. Yes, I think this a good levelsetting start

a vibrating ass plug or dildo. I was thinking about this - specifically a small plug and make him earn the vibrations; he really seems to enjoy ass play and something vibrating would be a neat surprise.

A light paddle or a wooden spoon. I’d considered a leather belt but this is probably better along with some hands

Some clothespins nipple clamps I definitely like this!

A nice eclair smeared over this balls or cock or chest and licked off and fed to him from your mouth may get him drooling. I brought him a box of bakery stuff for his birthday a few months ago and he joked about playing with an iced cupcake... I like it

He should trust that you will stretch his limits but not break them, but first you both need to find out where they are. He should trust that you are trying to please him, not hurt him but that sometimes he will not know what will please him as well as you do. I am certain the trust is there.. the next step is trickier

 

That he says he will do anything means one of two things, either he is very experienced or very naive as to where everything can go. You need to find out which is the case. I really suspect he has more experience than I know about... his mentioning of specific limits suggested to me he’s communicated this before... which makes me inclined to push the boundaries a little harder

 

Be verbal. A soft, deep and controlled voice with just a bit of menace to it can really enhance an encounter. By keeping the voice controlled and telling him to ask for it, puts you further in charge....All with a modulated and yet powerful voice that makes it clear to him that he is at your disposal. This will be a challenge - the ‘what to say’ especially

 

Thank You !

Edited August 11, 2018 by Keith30309

[+ purplekow]

Excellent advice !

 

 

 

 

 

Thank You !

The what you say is not as important as how you say it. Don't fumble. Don't retract. if you say something that you know was wrong and he calls you on it, just blame him... "You got cum in your ears boy, I said..." Don't make it too fancy, it will only sound forced and funny. Simple declarative sentences with very few adjectives other than in relation to size. "You want my cock?" so so "You want my big cock" better "You want my big cock in your mouth" better still But if you try "You want my massive monster cock in your cum hungry mouth" it will either turn into a tongue twister or it will sound forced. IF you can pull it off, well then you have better skills than I.

 

Less is more, so do not make a whole tory out if. Find a phrase that works, add a few accusatory statements or orders such as "Don't you." "Tell me" "Take it" and of course the ever popular "Squeal like a pig"

[whipped guy]

Interestingly more than one escort has pulled the sane thing in me. The first time it happened it took me by surprise as he suddenly got on the floor, kneeled in front of me and asked to be punished. Consequently, I had absolutely no time to think about how I might want to approach the situation.

 

I simply went with the flow and he gave me enough signals regarding what he wanted. I think the PK advice is about on target. Less is always more and I found that a firm whisper in his ear worked fine. Examples: “You wanna lick the sweat off my balks... right?” “You wanna choke on my cock?” “You want me to torture you... and you’re gonna enjoy it... right?” Etc. He will most likely tell you and signal exactly what he wants and how far he needs to go.

 

Regarding items that you might bring in addition to what was already mentioned... obviously a belt... and grab a few clothespins for use on his nips and other more sensitive body parts as you probably don’t have any clamps on hand. Remember even if you don’t use them... they can be used to threaten him... and that is something subs often like. The buckle end of the belt is a good example... seriously that would cross the line, but it may give him a thrill to be threatened with it. Obviously that is not where you would start, but something to consider. Of course your hands can work to slap him as well. Plus, you hopefully also have teeth that are not of the artificial variety to use as well. Start working his nips with your fingers, then nails, and then teeth. They usually drives them crazy! Anything csn be used to improvise a blindfold and many guys like to be surprised. If in a home setting ice cubes can provide an interesting effect. Plus, look in the kitchen drawer and a bunch if items will offer other possibilities...

 

It might also be good to use a safe word or words at first. I usually hate the pink and red colors that are used to signify close to not liking it and then stop. They are mood breakers and sound silly to me, but they are often the universal codes that are used along with yellow, orange, and red. I told the guy to say he was “on the edge” when he come close to reaching his limit. It was so cute how be kept repeating the word “edge edge edge edge” when that happened. At that point you can threaten him with something more intense... yes a nice guy can get away with it if said in the correct way. When he refuses you then cuddle him and say,”I wanna take good care of my boy! I only wanna do what my boy wants and needs! I would never force my boy to cross the line!” That will inspire confidence to further trust you. It might not happen that session, but perhaps your next time together. Of course he may surprise you and want to take things to the next level. As long as he makes the first move go for it. Otherwise err on the side of caution! One more thing... often subs will yell that they want you to stop, but really they want more... that’s where the safe word comes it.

 

The best BDSM tops are really the proverbially nice guy. That is how you come across here @Keith30309 and I am sure that is your persona in real life. It’s is indeed all about the sub having trust and confidence in the dom... and it is always easy to trust a nice guy! Remember the cardinal rule is that THE BOTTOM IS ACTUALLY IN CHARGE regarding how far the action proceeds. The worst tops are in it for their own pleasure. The top must realize that part of the pleasure he gets is from knowing that he is satisfying the sub at the level that the sub needs and wants even if it means that he has to back off a bit on what he would like to administer.

 

I hope this helps, do enjoy, and a report would be interesting!

[whipped guy]

Two more thoughts

 

The guy may surprise toy and have all sorts of accoutrements and other tool of the trade.

 

Alxo, you may not have it “in” you to go along with what he wants. One high profile escort and I got together a few years ago as he thought that it would be something that he could get into. As it turned out he was bored to death, and got no kicks out of the scene. Other guys have told me that even though they have a tough top exterior and enjoy fucking the daylights out of guys doing things in a BDSM manner was something the fuzzy pussy cat at in them simply could not relate to.

[+ Keith30309]

I’m going to think about the physical part but am considering wrist/ankle restraints, something anal’ish like a vibrating plug, clothes pins and maybe some kind of food. Nothing complicated.

 

The intellectual and emotional parts are more tricky but, based on what we’ve shared over the last year, I think his primary motivation is to please (with a paternal element) and secondarily to relinquish control and unburden himself. I don’t want to over complicate things but would like to work this into things.

 

I find it ironic that the dom role is so much more difficult and laborious. Who’s serving who...lol.

[whipped guy]

 

I find it ironic that the dom role is so much more difficult and laborious. Who’s serving who...lol.

Yss, the dom is MUCH harder to play. Plus, you have to know how to READ the sub. Plus, if they get seriously into getting physical it can be totally exhausting for the dom... I swear that on several occasions my shoulder almost fell off from flogging the sub. Plus, I was more exhausted and sweaty than he! It ain’t easy!

[+ Keith30309]

Two more thoughts

 

The guy may surprise toy and have all sorts of accoutrements and other tool of the trade.

 

Alxo, you may not have it “in” you to go along with what he wants. One high profile escort and I got together a few years ago as he thought that it would be something that he could get into. As it turned out he was bored to death, and got no kicks out of the scene. Other guys have told me that even though they have a tough top exterior and enjoy fucking the daylights out of guys doing things in a BDSM manner was something the fuzzy pussy cat at in them simply could not relate to.

It’s very possible he’s played like this in the past but I’d be a little surprised if it were extensive. He’s never said anything directly about it but the way he has prostrated himself (for example, pulling his knees up to his ears (he’s a lanky twinkish type) and rolling with his ass up) tells me there’s something there. Also, casually mentioning his limits tells me he’s thought about them at a minimum. He’s a very smart guy with lots of emotional intelligence and empathy.

[MikeBiDude]

I’m going to think about the physical part but am considering wrist/ankle restraints, something anal’ish like a vibrating plug, clothes pins and maybe some kind of food. Nothing complicated.

 

The intellectual and emotional parts are more tricky but, based on what we’ve shared over the last year, I think his primary motivation is to please (with a paternal element) and secondarily to relinquish control and unburden himself. I don’t want to over complicate things but would like to work this into things.

 

I find it ironic that the dom role is so much more difficult and laborious. Who’s serving who...lol.

For my simple and infrequent (but fun) scenes like that I’ve invested in a hog tie kit, and a blindfold. The hog tie kit is inexpensive and quite versatile, and the wrist/ankle restraints can be used in many interesting positions and are helpful even outside of the traditional hog tie position. That and a few dildos and butt plugs. All available on Amazon!

 

Attitude is more important than any of the toys, and a safe word(s).

[+ Pensant]

I keep a nice collection of dildos, leather restraints, crops and whips, nipple clamps and cock extenders on hand for those unexpected encounters. Many twinks fantasize about being controlled by an older dorm. Have fun!

[gck333]

On 8/11/2018 at 5:30 AM, whipped guy said:

Interestingly more than one escort has pulled the sane thing in me. The first time it happened it took me by surprise as he suddenly got on the floor, kneeled in front of me and asked to be punished. Consequently, I had absolutely no time to think about how I might want to approach the situation.

 

I simply went with the flow and he gave me enough signals regarding what he wanted. I think the PK advice is about on target. Less is always more and I found that a firm whisper in his ear worked fine. Examples: “You wanna lick the sweat off my balks... right?” “You wanna choke on my cock?” “You want me to torture you... and you’re gonna enjoy it... right?” Etc. He will most likely tell you and signal exactly what he wants and how far he needs to go.

 

Regarding items that you might bring in addition to what was already mentioned... obviously a belt... and grab a few clothespins for use on his nips and other more sensitive body parts as you probably don’t have any clamps on hand. Remember even if you don’t use them... they can be used to threaten him... and that is something subs often like. The buckle end of the belt is a good example... seriously that would cross the line, but it may give him a thrill to be threatened with it. Obviously that is not where you would start, but something to consider. Of course your hands can work to slap him as well. Plus, you hopefully also have teeth that are not of the artificial variety to use as well. Start working his nips with your fingers, then nails, and then teeth. They usually drives them crazy! Anything csn be used to improvise a blindfold and many guys like to be surprised. If in a home setting ice cubes can provide an interesting effect. Plus, look in the kitchen drawer and a bunch if items will offer other possibilities...

 

It might also be good to use a safe word or words at first. I usually hate the pink and red colors that are used to signify close to not liking it and then stop. They are mood breakers and sound silly to me, but they are often the universal codes that are used along with yellow, orange, and red. I told the guy to say he was “on the edge” when he come close to reaching his limit. It was so cute how be kept repeating the word “edge edge edge edge” when that happened. At that point you can threaten him with something more intense... yes a nice guy can get away with it if said in the correct way. When he refuses you then cuddle him and say,”I wanna take good care of my boy! I only wanna do what my boy wants and needs! I would never force my boy to cross the line!” That will inspire confidence to further trust you. It might not happen that session, but perhaps your next time together. Of course he may surprise you and want to take things to the next level. As long as he makes the first move go for it. Otherwise err on the side of caution! One more thing... often subs will yell that they want you to stop, but really they want more... that’s where the safe word comes it.

 

The best BDSM tops are really the proverbially nice guy. That is how you come across here @Keith30309 and I am sure that is your persona in real life. It’s is indeed all about the sub having trust and confidence in the dom... and it is always easy to trust a nice guy! Remember the cardinal rule is that THE BOTTOM IS ACTUALLY IN CHARGE regarding how far the action proceeds. The worst tops are in it for their own pleasure. The top must realize that part of the pleasure he gets is from knowing that he is satisfying the sub at the level that the sub needs and wants even if it means that he has to back off a bit on what he would like to administer.

 

I hope this helps, do enjoy, and a report would be interesting!

Thanks so much. That was very helpful.

[topunderachiever]

since this thread has been revived, I'd love to hear how that eventual encounter played out, @Keith30309!   😉