HoleTrainer

The general sentiments expressed here about discretion are all really good. I’d always err on the side of pretending not to know a client if we ran into each other in public unless he indicated otherwise was ok. That said, I’m ok with being approached by existing or potential clients in any type of gay environment. I’m fully “out” to everyone about what I do for a living. So gay bars, bathhouses, gay resorts, sex clubs, gay sex shops, etc etc, are all places I would be happy to meet an existing or potential client and wouldn’t feel awkward at all about any ensuing conversation. I do think I would feel taken aback if I was approached by a client in a non-gay-specific public space like a random restaurant, a public sidewalk, etc, tho.

Nope. Hasn’t hurt it at all. My clients come to me for my specialized talents, including my ability to utterly relax them and make them feel super comfortable to be vulnerable and open up their holes for me. They could never find a comparable environment in a bathhouse, and it would be unlikely that they would meet someone with my specific talents there as well. My regular clients tend to be married/partnered, successful and busy with running their business, and not very interested in spending lots of time waiting around a bathhouse to see if they can find what they’re seeking. I do have one client who enjoys bathhouses and he HAS paused on hiring me lately while he enjoys the bathhouses being reopen. I suspect that this is temporary tho as he just reached out to me a few days ago indicating that we should meet again soon. Although I enjoy and miss him, he’s also one of my lowest paying clients, grandfathered in from an earlier rate agreement, so I don’t feel like this is actually much impact on my “business”, as newer higher paying clients have filled into my schedule while he’s been away. FWIW, although I’m not a “bathhouse person”, I do really enjoy public sex in bars, dance clubs, and sex parties, personally. I often attend these in my free time and have public sex without even thinking about money, as I’m not really in “work mode” when I’m cruising on my off-time. I just ENJOY public sex a lot, especially spontaneous public sex. I don’t feel that this hurts my business at all either. In fact I suspect it helps, because when guys can see or experience me in “live action”, sometimes I get hired later by someone who was watching me play in a public space but desires my one-on-one attention in private. So basically- TLDR: I agree with everyone else who’s expressed that public sex in a bathhouse and private sex one on one are incredibly different things! To the point where I happily do one for free but nearly always charge for the other, and I don’t think they act as any type of conflict of interest or business liability to the other. Like others have expressed, if anything they work together synergistically. Bathhouses and sex clubs are good for escort biz.

I prefer hairy holes... love them. I understand why someone might want to shave tho, so I don’t judge.

I think tipping when your session goes 40 minutes overtime is COMMON sense to anyone who respects the value of our time and the service we are offering. And anyone who doesn’t feel that they should tip after taking up more than 1.5X the amount of time they actually booked and paid for is not really a good match for me as a long term client. I am not interested in potentially souring the beginning of every appointment with a speech about time on the off-chance that someone may go overtime and may not have the common sense to compensate me - especially because it’s not really about the money for me but about common sense and mutual respect. I would much rather succeed at opening up his hole, realize he’s not the kind of client who’s thoughtful enough to tip for overtime, and then make decisions accordingly about our relationship moving forward, than risk failing to create a sufficiently relaxing environment because I started our session with a reminder about the clock. There are better ways to deal with clients who overstay on a case by case basis IMO. For example, if someone went significantly overtime on our previous appointment, I’ll encourage them to book a longer appointment if they inquire again to re-book. I definitely wouldn’t say that I feel “resentful” if a client doesn’t tip when we go significantly overtime, but it does make me feel like he’s inconsiderate of my time and energy and probably not a good match to become a regular of mine- but I’ll usually give the client a chance to correct his mistake by suggesting a longer session if he tries to re-book a 2nd time. If a client makes a pattern out of overstaying without compensating/tipping after I’ve suggested a longer booking and he’s insisted on the shorter one, then I’ll generally stop allowing him to book and let him know that’s the reason, as he’s already been made aware of the issue at that point and chosen not to adjust his behavior or compensation moving forward. But I honestly don’t have this problem often as I find that most of the guys who overstay on their one hour booking without tipping are one-offs anyway. My favorite clients book more time than they need, tip me on top of that, and often don’t use up their entire session time before they tap out and send me on my way. They’re not my favorite clients BECAUSE of these things, but this just happens to be what happens and I really appreciate it!!

Please DO avoid me if you think that you’re entitled to engage with an escort who does not want to engage with you! The entire point of posting things like this is to make sure that clients like you do in fact stay away from me. Plenty of fish in the sea, and plenty of clients out there who recognize that being allowed to hire and engage with us is a privilege and not a right.

When someone NCNS on an Incall appointment, or has me do an outcall to a fake appointment (like I take an Uber to the location and once I say I’ve arrived the “client” stops responding), I don’t bother to engage the “client” any further. They are automatically disqualified from future bookings, tho. Why don’t I bother? Because a lot of people who flake and mess around with escorts with fake bookings are in it purely for the attention and drama. I won’t give them the satisfaction. Once it’s clear to me that they aren’t showing up, I’m never messaging them again. Cold hard silence. This is for new clients of course. My regulars are so good to me that I would be super concerned if one of them NCNS or stopped responding once I reached their location. I have told guys that I’m not willing to meet them very directly during the INQUIRY phase, based on not feeling that they are speaking to me in a respectful manner, or simply feeling like they require way too much hand-holding and emotional labor before they are willing to actually book an appointment. As well as guys who seem flaky and unable to commit. Unfortunately, many guys don’t like to take NO for an answer, and I’ve found that telling people I’m unwilling to consider their request because of X often just leads to them contacting me again and again from different phone numbers or handles, either to argue with me about why I won’t see them or to make fake bookings as revenge for me not accepting their real booking. If I realize that’s what’s going on, I switch to the very boring, non-confrontational excuse of being fully booked and not having any room in my schedule to accommodate. Even (especially) when they KNOW this is not true, it leaves them much less room to argue, and is often more effective at getting them to leave me alone. I did once have a client who messed around with my fee. Flew across the country to see him. Service was delivered. He didn’t pay in full. Said he would pay me the rest at a later date. And then didn’t. Claimed he didn’t have *time* to send me the money, but meanwhile had booked a close friend of mine (another escort) for a session during the “time” he supposedly didn’t have to send me the money he owed me. (MAKE IT MAKE SENSE?!) And then I had to really chase after him and semi threaten him to get him to pay up what he owed. This guy kept trying to book me after that, feeling that he had made good on what he owed. For YEARS I said absolutely not. I left the country for a couple years. I came back around for a tour. He begged again for a second chance so I told him he would have to PRE-PAY the entire appointment in full, a month in advance, for me to agree. Well he DID! So I guess sometimes being clear about why you won’t see someone again and what they need to do to fix it can be helpful.

I don’t *expect* tips and I do have a rate that’s high enough for me to not need them now. But I’m in the business of exceeding expectations, blowing people’s minds, and sometimes even changing their lives. And with over a decade of experience under my belt, the professionalism I offer throughout booking/hosting/etc is also generally way above “average”. Almost every single one of my regulars tips me generously every time. In that way it’s become a bit abnormal when I don’t receive a tip. I also DO live in an area where tipping is a normal part of the culture DESPITE service workers receiving a real hourly wage on their paycheck. But it’s also a very expensive area to live in (Bay Area). Tipping just feels like a fact of life. I tip my baristas, Uber drivers, delivery people, masseuse, hotel workers, and bartenders handsomely. Generosity just feels like such good energy to me. I’m lucky that my clients tip me well so that I always feel able to pay it forward to service workers I interact with daily with decent tips. So despite my opening statement to this long paragraph, the truth is that I kinda do expect tips. Just because it’s the norm with most of my clients and with most of the services I engage as well. But I would not think negatively of a client who didn’t tip. The only time I feel annoyed about the lack of tip is if a client has gone significantly over on his allotted time, I’ve been gracious enough not to kick him out in a way that would have been awkward and possibly soured his memory of the experience, but he hasn’t bothered to add anything to the rate for the time he booked. Example: client books an hour, he’s not quite satisfied at the hour mark so I let things go over by 10 minutes of playtime, then he takes a shower and lounges around chatting with me for 15 minutes instead of getting dressed and leaving. By the time he leaves we are 1 hour and 40 minutes past the session start time. But he only paid for an hour. In this circumstance I will often be annoyed by the lack of tip and it will affect how I view the client. I can understand not being able to afford to pay 1.5X my hourly rate when the client was only planning to spend an hour with me. But even a $10 or $20 tip says “thanks for going above and beyond”. It’s not even really about the money in these cases. Just the acknowledgement that I went above and beyond what was paid for and returning the favor by going above and beyond what was charged. By any amount.

I find that some of my closest and most valuable friendships in life are with fellow escorts. But I’m very selective about which escorts I will pursue a friendship with. Escorts who are business-minded, driven, and understand the value of professional networking tend to be the ones I will gravitate toward. There’s no way to tell from seeing someone online if they possess all these qualities, so I tend to meet people for lunch just to see if we are of a similar mindset, and then stay in touch (or not) depending on whether I think that they would be a positive influence to have in my life. It’s valuable to have friends who work in the same industry to bounce things off of and be able to share experiences with, not to mention to go to in case you ever need help. But only if you have a similar mindset about what it means to be an escort, how you operate professionally, etc. I try not to judge anyone who escorts super differently than me for how they work, but the best friendships for me are the ones where we can push and support each other as colleagues which tends to work best when our mindsets are similar.

I’m really happy to see and kiss clients. Seems like everyone who has inquired with me has been vaccinated, which gives me some peace of mind. I agree that there is a ton of nonsense out there that most of us escorts are dealing with right now. Way more time wasters and fake bookings than usual. My patience is short for any inquiries that sound vague or wishy-washy these days as a result. The thing that’s working out great for me right now is having a small circle of clients that book me regularly. I’m very happy to meet new regular clients, whether they’re booking me once a week, once a month, or once a quarter. I’m very excited to see them and appreciate the steady business from a lower number of individuals.

In old English, “you” was previously exclusively a plural pronoun and never would have been used to refer to a singular person. A singular person was referred to in 2nd person as “thou/thee”. Over time, people speaking English “improperly” started to use “you” as a singular 2nd person pronoun, and eventually, it took over entirely. language changes and evolves over time. It’s by no means set in stone.

Blocking is a hard boundary that means “you may not engage with me anymore in any way”. You’re really asking why RM allows escorts, whose work is criminalized and highly stigmatized, to create this hard boundary? Negative reviews are often used as a weapon by clients against escorts. If someone had such a bad time on their overnight with you that they needed to leave early AND block you, and you’re still insistent that you should be allowed to engage with this escort digitally, then you probably have bigger issues than not being allowed to leave a review. When an escort blocks you or declines to see you, simply move on. Even if someone left your session early, that’s not a rip off. Escorts have no obligation to complete a session if we aren’t being treated well. Being treated well is subjective, but you’re obviously finding ways to be accidentally rude that you’re unaware of, considering you don’t understand how questioning an escort’s required screening procedure led to you getting blocked. Learn from your mistakes and move on rather than questioning why escorts are allowed to create hard boundaries with clients who they don’t want to engage with in the future. You’re not entitled to remain qualified to book and or review escorts simply because you’re a client. Being allowed to engage with us in any form is a privilege. If you lose that privilege with one escort then simply move on to someone else, and try not to repeat whatever behaviors led to you getting blocked if it bothers you so much.

Yes, I’m a professional fisting top who works primarily with newbies and people who haven’t taken a fist in many years (and miss it), so it’s somewhat common to end up in a session with someone who can’t quite take the whole thing on the first try. I use as many fingers as he can take to gently stretch his hole and massage it from the inside to try to help him relax. If this doesn’t yield results, and I can tell he simply won’t be able to take the whole thing, then I usually switch to sensual hole massage, where the goal is no longer to stretch but simply to make his hole feel amazing. I will incorporate prostate massage in with this if he enjoys the sensations of having his prostate stroked and try to make him cum very hard as a sort of consolation prize to end the session off on a positive note.

Since it seems like you’re a career escort and you don’t plan to exit the industry overall anytime soon, I wouldn’t stress yourself out about the possibility of losing a job over being discovered as an escort. It’s likely that being fired for this reason would qualify for you unemployment insurance compensation as it’s not directly your fault that you got fired (due to your employer’s ethical objection and not your own refusal to to the job etc). Even if it didn’t, you could always still get another job. So many personal skills learned in escorting are way more transferable than you might think. Even the ability to read an interviewer, make the interviewer feel comfortable with you, and understand what they want to hear from you to give you the job alone is invaluable. And these are skills that experienced escorts certainly have. If the job’s purpose is to give you the resources to elevate your escort career rather than to exit it entirely, then you should be slightly fearless about losing your job. Entry-level, low-commitment jobs are generally are a dime a dozen. Not necessarily these days because of the unique unemployment ending circumstances, but things will be back to normal soon enough. You can always find another one. If the job is really important to you and you want to minimize chances of losing it (maybe if you really like it for example), you can always consider removing your face from your advertising, yes, or even just keeping it out of your thumbnail or your “public images” to reduce the number of people who see it. But if the purpose of the job is to support you while you invest in your escort career, which is your long term plan anyway, then I don’t think you should bother to remove your face as your chances of getting fired over it are minimal anyway and the fallout should be manageable.

I’ve never worked with him, but we ended up face to face out in the real world once and he was every bit as hot as his pics.

1) optimize my business model. If most clients are requesting Incall and I don’t have one, I do WHATEVER it takes to make one available. I didn’t have my own apartment when I moved to SF and it stunted my business SIGNIFICANTLY. I got a full-time hourly wage job just so I could try to eventually get my own apartment. When I moved into my current studio, I actually had no idea if I was going to be able to afford the upkeep or not. I had my day job but it was going sour with the pandemic and I could tell it would end soon. I used the job to get approved for the apartment. Once the job was over, I had to figure out how to make it work. This meant being more flexible about my rates at first, and accepting short notice bookings even if it meant interrupting something else that I was doing. This was annoying but my period of needing to do this to make it work lasted less than six months. Within 3 months I developed regulars who came to my Incall once a week (at a lower rate than I wanted, but no big deal- my rent was getting paid). And within another 3 months after that, negotiating on my rate was no longer necessary. In fact I was able to raise my rate significantly. Being able to offer Incall consistently has developed me good regulars and steady income. Vast majority of this business is Incall, so whenever I’m advising ANY escort complaining about not enough business, this is the first topic I explore with them as well. If most of the demand is for Incall, it’s our job as a full time escort to figure out how to be able to provide the logistics to meet that demand if we want that steady money. We aren’t entitled to clients who want to see us in exactly the manner we would prefer- we have to adjust our business models to accommodate enough of the market demand until we find a place in the market where we are satisfied with our income- and yes this means having enough to contribute regularly to grow a 1-6 month emergency fund too, so that the natural slow periods are less frustrating. Did I enjoy working for a company full time after 10 years of working for myself independently? Fuck no! But I did what I had to do to get it done and now I have my Incall and business is great. Great doesn’t mean I see 2 clients a day at home, but that I have enough business to cover the expenses, my personal needs, and invest in my business and my retirement, after hustling harder than I wanted for a period of time to make that happen. 2) invest in myself- this can happen in the form of gym, therapy, massage, a new haircut, new sex toys, an updated photoshoot, new clothes, etc etc. Having an emergency fund is critical to allow these investments during slow periods. Slow times are the times when I actually have time and energy to focus on myself, and the self-improvements tend to translate into increased business when things heat up again, not to mention overall happiness. 3) get creative - find new ways to make my business more fun and make my marketing stand out more. If I’m dealing with content restrictions on my ads, I keep experimenting with new ways to express my ideas. Rentmen recently blocked me from using any photos of my hands as my profile pic, claiming all of them were X-rated (nevermind that a hard dick as a profile pic seems to be acceptable???). Well as a fisting top, not being able to show my “tool” in my thumbnail image actually sucks. It’s common practice on RM for tops to have their dick as their thumbnail for a reason. Bottoms like to see what they’ll be sitting on. Didn’t this feel unfair and discouraging to me? Yes. But I kept experimenting and eventually realized that as long as my FACE is also in the pic, they don’t consider my hands to be “X-rated”. So I found a way to express my idea anyway even with the censorship. Beyond this, there are ALWAYS ways to get more creative with marketing. Add bright colors, wear a super attention grabbing outfit, shoot in a scandalous public location. You can use creativity to add new faces to your place public marketing and intrigue new types of people. Using the same pics or same types of pics all the time leads to stagnation- your ad becomes old news to locals very quickly when you don’t change things up frequently and creatively. Besides the marketing aspect, I’m always adding new services or even eliminating services that I don’t enjoy anymore. I used to advertise as full service and versatile. Now I advertise as exclusively a fisting top, although I have also added electricity, chastity, and some bondage to my repertoire. Working my way into a niche and adding more niche interests to my tool belt has only increased my business every single time. So when things slow down or I feel I’m in a rut, this is often where I turn my attention.