If you're a gay guy and THIS is your sex symbol, then PLEASE GET HELP!
I don't know what you're trying to accomplish going through all those mental gymnastics to turn THIS (https://www.out.com/popnography/2016/6/24/50-gay-sex-symbols) to basically a weird ass imitation of a straight guy's fantasy. Let me break it to you. Straight guys don't think you're one of them. Heck. They don't even think you're straight passing. So PLEASE HAVE SOME SELF RESPECT AND STOP IT!
I know there's a stigma attached to mental illness and even if you think you're beyond help, seek it anyway. It can't hurt!
PS: If THIS is not your fantasy, then why are you going around egging other gay guys on growing these weirdass beards and wearing these weirdass earrings and nail polish for? So you can have a laugh at their expenses? That's just SICK!