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MsgFantasy

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Everything posted by MsgFantasy

  1. Clark is my go-to regular. Massage is OK and relaxing enough, but the extras are very consistent every time.
  2. It’s honestly not about how much, but the execution of that business practice: I’d just rather pay more upfront for whatever. The upsell was such a buzz kill, I even had problem for the ending. By the way, compared with the post right above, I got up sold for way less it seemed. I also felt cheated because it was he who kept shoving it in my face in the beginning.
  3. Took the dip to try someone new, and regretted not going with one of my usuals. The massage was good with some highlights, but got upsold while I was on the table. He may still be appealing to others, I wouldn’t repeat though.
  4. I think not respecting each other is too strong, we’re just wired differently. The little things he does that bug me, he doesn’t do them to despise me, that’s just him being himself. Just two examples, when he first started his own business, he had a client that I could tell him is a total crook one month in, but he didn’t listen to me, and maintained the client relationship for a few month, and ended up with a loss of a few thousand dollars. When we used to go restaurants before the Pandemic, whenever my order was messed up, he would always assume it must be me who didn’t order it clearly. It took him a few years to realize that it’s actually America’s work force that has a competence issue. My interpretation of that is subconsciously he doesn’t want to take my intellect seriously. I’ve tried to talk about it with him, but he’s not a very expressive person, so He would just shut down in that case: the biggest fight we’ve ever had was caused by my trying to get him to addressed our communication issues. Just like when we talk about politics, when he didn’t have anything good to address my point of view, he just stops talking about it by changing subjects. As a result, I just compromised and learned to accept that’s just who he is. We continue to spend time together doing daily things, we still give each advice, we tell each other to be careful when we’re out and about, and we take care of each other when either of us is sick. Like I said, we’re like two family members living together. There’s love, but no romance or passion. Considering how many people are telling me to change my ideals, I guess that’s really just normal.
  5. Thanks for everybody's input here and in DMs. I assure everybody that I'm not in a mental health emergency. Not saying that therapists aren't necessary, but I believe I still have more than enough will power to mentally adjust myself. Of course I cherish what I have by counting my own blessings on a regular basis, and working in banking only made me realize how privileged my life already is as an immigrant compared with a great deal of natural born citizens. I didn't mention all that because I didn't want to veer off topic. Besides, no emotional void can truly be filled, you learn to make peace with it and move on, but you still feel it sometimes, like a deceased loved one, and that's how I am with my void. I think @FrankR got it right in his last sentence, so I could redefine the void better: in my two relationships, I sort of bypassed the stage of feeling "in love," which normally includes romantic dinners, trips together, and last but not least, passionate sex. The frustration is that I obviously can't experience it with my husband anymore, and one simply can't easily find a person only to experience that for various reasons. I've certainly tried that when I was in college before meeting my husband, but that only made me realize I preferred older non-college-age men since I care about intellectual maturity too. (My husband is 8 years older than me.) I'm never about guys with perfect faces and perfect bodies. In fact for the masseur I met in DTLA, I picked him because he didn't have a 6-pack at all, just a flat stomach. I live in L.A., so I'm trained to see through people's instagram glamor, and that isn't what I think is missing. Also, I'm extremely comfortable with who I am at this point of my life, but ironically the people who I think truly appreciate who I am are my female coworkers, and even my 2 straight crushes. To my husband, I'm too loud, too straight-forward, and too passionate about what I like or believe in. He has a monotone low voice, and never gets animated with his words, so that's why I think he gets intimated: while I'm simply being passionate about what I'm talking about, he just takes it as unnecessary hostility. Whenever I told him about something that happened at work, one of the first things he would say is "I'm right next to you, you don't have to be this loud," and that's another frustration: being myself and loving myself doesn't necessarily mean the person I want to love me as who I am would just do so. Again, I appreciate everybody's input, but I think some of you guys misunderstood me here and there.
  6. Forward: First and foremost, this is supposed to be a blog post from my own blog, but the subject matter is so personal, I don't want to post it on my regular blog. Since I still want people to read it, I've decided this forum should be a better place to post it. This is not meant to be my side of an argument or anything, I just want to write my thoughts out. If you can connect with what I have to say in any way, however, please feel free to share your thoughts as well. For the past 2 years, I've been working nonstop, so I decided to take a week off as a staycation just so I can burn off some of my time-offs that won't be carried over after March. I picked this week because I had to see Imagine Dragons at (formerly) Staples Center this past Saturday night, so I figured it'd be really nice if I didn't have to work a few days before and after. I also spent the night in downtown L.A. instead of going back to the (San Fernando) Valley. I convinced my husband that he didn't want to pick me up that late with his sciatica, and I also wanted to take this opportunity on Sunday morning to get a "massage." Of course it was more than a massage, and the masseur also delivered more than what I asked for, but that's not the point of the blog post. The point is, I felt that void inside me again, the void created by lacking the kind of sexual and to some degree, emotional attention I always craved for in my life. I don't feel the void all the time, and it doesn't even show up that often, only when I had a sexual encounter where I'd feel wanted. I don't have a lot of sexual encounters to begin with, so for the past few years, I've only felt it once before, and unfortunately, I had to pay for that one as well. Obviously, I had to console myself by telling myself that it wasn't real, but the best therapy so far is actually for me to take a look at the masseurs' personal Instagram, which would make me realize there wouldn't be a relationship with them in real life anyway whether I'm married or not: you know, for example, different political and social views, or the fact that I work in banking, and they party all the time while working on OnlyFans. (Not a judgement, I admire people who can do OnlyFans: If I had to make money by kissing ass all day, then I might as well make more money eating them; it's just that I can't overcome the moral standards I was taught.) At this point, some of you may ask: "what about your husband?" Well, let's first talk about the circumstances of when we first met. Remember the void? I came to the U.S. in 2008 as an international student, so I have no family here, as a result, I had a bigger void in me at that time: constant loneliness, and that wasn't caused by lack of sexual attention, that was caused by lack of support from loved one(s) and uncertainty with life. Right after graduation before knowing how to get a Green Card, I didn't even want to think about hooking up. Then there came my husband. Honestly, I WAS lucky to have met him when I did. He helped me find a new place to live, and my first job out of college to get my adult life started in the U.S. Already knowing how tough the market was for a chubby gaysian at the time since I'd been trying to get a boyfriend when I was in college, I leaned on him instantly. Before he became my boyfriend, he already became my family, a loved one. You could guess the rest: DoMA was struck down, and we were able to get married so I could stay in the U.S. We were only sexual with each other for a very short period of time, and even when we were, we were never quite on the same page. I enjoy gentle loving sex, and he enjoys leather stuff, but the thing is even when I was willing to wear some of his gears, it'd still took him a very long time to get hard and eventually cum. He also can't keep it consistently hard enough for any penetration. When he pleasures himself, he needs on average more than one hour and 15 minutes, and he wasn't even trying to edge. That's why we stopped having sex with each other within 6 months of our relationship, and we've been living together for more than 10 years. We absolutely do love each other as family, so much so that knowing what's available out there, I'd only see myself living alone if god forbid something happens to him. Nevertheless, because we treat each other as family members, neither of us was able to see each other sexually--he didn't even want me to touch his dick without any sexual intent. Therefore, without explicitly talking about it, we low-key allow each other to explore sexually if an opportunity should arise. Some of you may ask again: "What's the problem, then?" The problem is, whenever I feel the void, I was reminded of the fact that I never got the chance to feel being swept under my feet by any one. My husband was only my second relationship; the first one was long-distance, so neither of my relationships resembled anything like what I was taught to expect. Do I think there might be something better out there for me? I don't know, but I honestly doubt it as well. I live in L.A., and I see 3 types of gay guys: the ones that don't want to think about settle down at all and just want to have sex, the ones that want to settle down but are too picky and care about all the wrong things of the other person, and the ones who have a perfect body, who live with a boyfriend with a perfect body, but are in an open relationship. No wonder all my dream husbands are all straight. There were 2 straight men in my life that I had a serious crush on (If you don't count Dan Reynolds from Imagine Dragons, that is). Both of them are good looking of course, and turned out to be a responsible husband and father, but I think what they did for me more than my own husband ever does was that they both appreciated my intellect. My husband never appreciated how good my English is; he kinda just took it for granted; and he sometimes behave like he's intimidated by my intellect by not discussing politics with me, and never admitted he loved a movie whenever I picked it, even though he was seen visibly enjoying it. That, was the emotional part of the void I was referring to earlier. Whenever we think about things like that, there are always a lot of what-ifs. What if I had a better body, would I increase my chance to meeting my dream guy? What if I had a dream husband, but our sexual passion for each other would still fade away? What if I don't take a chance now, or I'd be too old to do so? Even when I was looking at my straight crushes' life, I really couldn't tell if they have the same problem or not, so 8 paragraphs in, is it possible that my expectations of a good relationship were simply unrealistic? Just to be clear, having a perfect body was never my expectation for a perfect husband. I'm chubby, and my husband has the same weight as me but shorter, so you do the maths. I've found guys attractive when they're chubby or have a dadbod as long as they're not morbidly obese, but again a perfect body seems to be what most gay guys are looking for these days, and since I want people to appreciate my intellect, I can't bring myself to get a perfect body myself just to be loved. Well, what do I want then? I'm still not sure. Maybe a perfect affair or one night stand where I can meet a nice guy who can give me the sexual attention I want without money involved, while being able to carry on a stimulating conversation with me just so I know what I've wanted is possible? Maybe all I need was simply knowing that I can be loved the way I want to be loved at one point of my life, and it didn't have to last at all.
  7. Every time I checked him out on Rentmaseur, he’d PM me there, but when I finally decided to try with a younger man and texted him, it took him almost a whole day to reply, and when I try to confirm a time, he stopped replying… So far, it’s likely to be a pass.
  8. Took the dip on him. PM for details.
  9. I took the dip and spend $300+ for a massage and beyond experience, and he made me feel special for the very first time in a long time. House organizing is just something he does, and if that’s all you want him to do, I don’t think he would charge massage rate…
  10. I have a perfect recommendation for you: https://rentmasseur.com/MagicManos
  11. I was just reading another thread, and a member here mentioned that his relationship with a masseur turned more intimate a few times, and the masseur never asked for the payment during those times since he didn't really give a massage before escalating things. My thought reading the post was that I would have paid the masseur anyway because I never wait till they ask. To me, it's such an awkward conversation to get into, and it can instantly kill the vibes you just built with your masseur, so I always take initiative to pay them, and I don't think I ever remember anyone of them count the cash; they just take my word for it. Therefore, should we wait?
  12. Here’s another thread discussing him: https://www.companyofmen.org/threads/411-kylebanks.142155/#post-1776098 We used to go to the same college, and I often see him on campus...
  13. Finally took the dip for the team, and the positive reviews here are true: it was my best massage experience in L.A. so far, and Mateo's definitely worth the money. Feel free to DM me for details.
  14. Just adding a side note: I see quite some masseurs are holding off out-calls because of COVID, which seems like an odd choice for me. If a client is willing to travel to them for a massage, then wouldn’t that indicate that person would be willing to visit others for whatever reason? Wouldn’t clients who prefer to stay home pose a lesser risk? Just saying...
  15. I just subscribe to Will Tantra/Nick Forte; he’s someone I’d like to hire, and he does have massage videos that turn into something else with other OF models. He also has a 4-hand massage video with another L.A. masseur called magicblond: https://rentmasseur.com/magicblond
  16. I booked a session with Spencer, who's better known as porn star Logan Stevens. If you want to know what happened, you could PM me, but right here, I'm gonna be a little philosophical. On any given day, if you ask me if I think he's sexy, and if I'm attracted to him, I'm gonna say yes. In person, he truly is: nice body, pretty scruffy face, and that musky smell from his body... He's everything I'd dream of in a sexual fantasy, as I can also see in his porn videos at any time. Unfortunately in reality, my brain works differently. From the first moment I saw him and started a conversation, my brain just started to compute the differences between what he thought he was like and what he was actually like. He's every bit of sexy in person, but the computing in my brain still killed the vibe a little bit. The massage was good and deep. I sit at a desk all day, and my back needed it, but because the massage was good, my mind was nowhere near the gutter at all, even though my fantasy man was touching me! Since I knew he could see I wasn't aroused, my mind started to worry that he might be thinking I didn't like him in person (as I told him I was a subscriber of his JustForFans page). Nevertheless, I am still attracted to him, but when he was there, in my mind I couldn't treat him like the guy he was in his own videos. He was just a good looking stranger that I would look at, but probably too insecure myself to have an instant sexual connection with. We talk about here everyday that which masseur's cute, hot, or sexy, but I think the best masseur should be someone that can put your mind at ease. If you have a usual masseur to go to, and things have been working out well, then there must be a reason. Trying something different might be a bad idea, even though it sounds like a good one. Don't get me wrong, if you like Logan Stevens, hire him, the massage is great, and it's a porn star bucket list item to check off, but beware that it'll probably not going to end up like the fantasy you've imagined. (It's funny that he said something about he no longer had energy to party hard during holiday gathering with younger people, and I almost said that wasn't what I would perceive from all his threesome videos?...)
  17. I was just enjoying my new TIM membership, and I accidentally found out that he used to be a porn star named Nick Forte with Treasure Island Media. Must have been his San Francisco days.
  18. You know we always talk about YMMV at this forum, and because of that, during a massage session we sometimes try to hint at the masseur verbally or physically. Therefore, I'm wondering if anyone has worn a butt plug to go to a massage session, and that actually made something happen? Thanks in advance for sharing, either publicly or privately.
  19. Just took one for the team, and had a last-minute appointment with him. He was very accommodating given the short notice. The massage is definitely one of the best I’ve ever had, deep and relaxing. Extras are somewhat lacking, but given his rate, it’s good enough I suppose, and YMMV. Anyone who wants a little bit more details can DM me.
  20. Just had a similar experience with him: I contacted him and ask a few questions about his session, without answering any one of them, he directly asked me about my address! I told him the intersection, but he pressed me for the street number. I got annoyed, so I decided to just ignore him. Within 5 minutes, he decided it was a good idea to just insult me, calling me "a flake or a creep." I blocked him now.
  21. ...and he has a somewhat abandoned JustFor.Fans channel as well...
  22. I ran into his RM profile by accident today, and thought he looked familiar. Then, I realized he used part of his real name, which reminded me his real full name—We went to the same university, and we still have mutual friends on Facebook! I thought he was somewhat cute back then, but he seemed to always be in his own world: never saw him talk with anyone on campus, and I was too shy an international student from China myself to engage him. Wouldn’t mind hearing more about his massage just for some gossip?...
  23. OK, since no one replied to me, I decided to take one for the team. I ended up having a very special time with him. Our time together was very relaxed and organic. Nothing felt forced. You could PM me for details.
  24. Texted him earlier this morning, but no reply yet...
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